Having more than one wife is a concept that has been with us for quite a while now. For even far too long, the “second wife” as a label had some negative connotations though. The title came with a lot of baggage to the family and in some cases even stigma. As it was to many people, it looked like it was a backward living arrangement that only ‘desperate’, lowly and village-bred ladies embraced. But fast forward to even today. Think of university graduates, celebrities, TV girls, and other respected and even empowered women now seem to be slowly but surely embracing this given concept. Many don’t even like being the bearers of that bad news. But women, let’s face it. All the good men that you all need are already taken, or so it seems.
Hey, how many times have you taken a fancy to a dashing, intelligent bloke who looked like real marriage material, only to find out later that he’s already taken by someone? If you have been wracking your brains out trying to find out where all the qualified, decent, worthwhile eligible, and responsible men are hiding, wonder even no more. Nowadays, it seems like you can’t even strike up a conversation with a handsome, charming, good-looking, and financially stable man anymore without him mentioning or bringing up that he is already married. It is frustrating as stated by many women! Just when they think they have finally found ‘the one’, that one perfect guy who fits their criteria, he drops the bombshell on the table that he’s in a committed relationship or even married.
Shortage of good decent, responsible unattached men to marry
There is literally no man out here who is just available who is really worth being in a relationship with. If he isn’t married, he is a hustler, player, or just a loser. It’s hell being a woman in search of a good man? A good number of women we spoke to confessed they can’t remember the last time they met a good man who they thought would be perfect for them who didn’t end up being in another relationship. For the so-called independent, intelligent 21st-century career woman, finding a qualified man-partner can be a daunting challenge. Many even complain. It is becoming increasingly difficult to find a single man who has the qualities that make up him the perfect husband material for them.
When the successful, responsible men you keep crossing paths with are already tied elsewhere, what are your next options? If you are tired of kissing many frogs and are not willing to compromise on certain things, let us interest you in what comes with being a second wife. To many, this given idea of becoming a second wife sounds indeed old. Most women out there dreaming of settling down probably aren’t imagining doing so with a man who is already taken.
At the very least, the term “2nd-wife” has a very bad and negative connotation. When people hear of a second wife, they automatically think the woman is a husband stealer, a homewrecker, or a gold digger. They picture a dumb young bimbo, preying on an older man for their money. However, despite the stigma that comes with being a second wife, there is a trend of some beautiful, educated, career women who are choosing to enter into these relationships though. Take Vanessa, a successful businesswoman, for example.
Proud second wives open up, share experience, and give tips too
“I met Jose 5 years ago through a mutual friend. We hit it off immediately off course. He was everything I ever wanted in or from a man. I was shocked when he later told me that he was married. I broke up with him, but none of the men I dated after that could meet up with his standards. I got back together with him and we started doing it, seeing each other secretly,” says Vanessa. The affair went on clandestinely for quite a while and when she got pregnant, he decided to go public about the affair. “He told his friends and even family and would introduce me as his second wife. His wife accepted me into the family though, a bit reluctantly.
Even though it hasn’t been easy and there are many people in his life who have never accepted her, She says that she is very happy as a second wife. She added that he, the hubby is always there for her and their son and she doesn’t feel like missing out on anything,” Why would such a beautiful, career-driven, and not forgetting intellectual woman choose to become a co-wife? First, the second wife doesn’t in any way mean the second best.
Becoming wife number two definitely has its perks as we discovered out. Apparently, the fact that the object of your heart-body desire is already married proves that he is not a commitment-phobe. If you are tired of dealing with some players who are only interested in playing the field, a man who is married is somehow highly appealing because of this demonstrated capacity for well-seen commitment. You are pretty much guaranteed that he means business and is offering you a meaningful relationship there.
As Vanessa reveals, becoming a second wife also offers some stability. If a man is already married, she says, it is solid proof that he is financially stable and as well responsible. You and your future children will definitely be well taken care of. Being a provider, as many women attest, is a hugely attractive quality to any woman who values financial stability. “If he already has kids with his first wife, he’s even more irresistible: you don’t have to wonder if he will be a good father or not,” says Vanessa, adding that the biggest secret of successfully being accepted by the other wife is knowing your place. “Trying to antagonize the first wife is a recipe for direct chaos.
You lay low like an envelope to get in and get accepted,” added Vanessa. Apparently, being a father means he is far more likely to be a responsible adult than a man who hasn’t had someone to depend on them. And you wonder why a wedding ring has become a lady’s magnet. Instead of running the other way, women are now flocking towards married men in droves. The odds on single men vs married men fall just in the married man’s favor. Another interesting aspect we discovered while putting together these details is that married men are well-groomed, more likely to be employed and that means more responsible: infinitely more appealing than some single man who is still trying to find his footing in the world and has no sense of responsibility.
Frustrations women go through
Despite all the perks, being a second wife is not just a walk in the park. It comes with its fair-given share of frustrations. First, you will always be number two in everything, regardless of how involved, caring, and loving the husband is. However old, you will always be referred to as “bibi mdogo”! Sharon, another proud second wife we had a chat with narrated, seemed to know this all too well. “I agreed to be a second wife because I loved my husband and really wanted a stable family for my kids. “Right off the bat, there was a conflict with his first wife, ‘bibi mkubwa’. She never accepted her and went out of her way to show her disapproval of her existence there.
Even though their husband tried his best to make Sharon feel like his wife, there was always a sense in their relationship that she felt like his mistress yet she is his wife. Sharon also added that ‘The trick is that you don’t really compete with the first wife because you just can’t win. “She has the support of the majority of the husband’s people. You are the underdog there,” she added. Sharon says some members of her husband’s family never accepted her as his wife and as far as they were concerned, she was the “other woman” or “Bibi mdogo”. “Initially, She was never accorded the same respect as the first wife and this started to take a toll on her marriage. She almost left the marriage. But then soldiered on, making friends with hubby’s relatives.
Much as they haven’t fully accepted her, they have some respect for her, seeing as she has sired a child with their kin. Finding a good and responsible man who will accept you, support you, won’t bail when things get difficult, and that is ready to settle down with you can totally be a challenge. What happens when you meet this good man but he is married? Don’t you think it is high time now women stopped writing off married men? If there is a genuine connection and compatibility between them, his marital status shouldn’t be a hindrance as long as he is willing to make things work and official. Why not save yourself the trouble of dating some broke men who only want to use your body as a playground and tool for pleasure. The next time you stumble across a man who has even the most remote amount of job security, don’t be too quick to dismiss them even if he is married, my opinion.